"...But You're too young for Breast Cancer." --My Terminal Journey

                                                                                                                                CHAPTER ONE                                                                  The Beginning of the End         "Why would I miss three calls from a doctor on a Saturday if it wasn't serious, right?" That's all I kept ...

Chapter 2 The Before      My Childhood was almost an ideal one. I had my mom and dad and two older sisters, My mother always made us great meals and we always had a clean house. Christmases were amazing. I actually never knew we were poor until I was much older. They always made things happen. I was daddy's little girl but so very attached to my mother. She actually had to work at my school in kindergarten and first grade just so I would actually go. She was my comfort. The first trauma I can remember going through was the loss of my father . The event of my father's death when I was just fifteen years old marked the beginning of a journey filled with emotional and inner struggles. The sense of abandonment and loss of guidance created a void that seemed unsurmountable at that tender age. I didn't get much support at the time. My mother, who was always very religious just kept telling me, "He's in a better place." I felt so lost...

What I have learned so far ..        I can say I have lived a great deal in the short time I have been on this Earth. I tell my story in hopes that it helps someone else. I hope it helps someone feel a little less alone at the very least, So I am not sorry I refuse to just shut up.......Sorry     I have learned just how much of a privilege it is to grow old. So many people my age, older and younger, complain about turning 35 or 45 or regular aches and pains of growing older. I, for one use to be that person. I remember complaining about turning 25. I look back now and see I am one of the lucky ones to have made it to 33. I have lost countless friends and family and people I went to school with that never got the chance to experience as much life as I have. Being able to one day be 90 years old, makes you one lucky person. Enjoy the time you have now because it goes really fast, don't spend it complaining that you have wrinkle...

  Let's Talk Mental Health The first time I seen a mental health specialist of any kind was when I was just 15 years old . My daddy was just diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and was given 3-6 months to live. My parents already had their concerns for me for years. I spent most of my time in my room, by myself, listening to music and only coming out to eat. I was rebelling of course and was going through my "emo" phase. I went through so much black eyeliner it was ridiculous. I wore all black and long sleeve shirts to cover cuts on my arm my mother chalked up to just wanting attention. She no doubt was a good mother but came from a different time. She was all about tough love which effected me greatly my whole life. I was a depressed girl, dealing with so much and all I wanted was for her to hug me and tell me everything was going to be alright, I wanted that so many times growing up and even as an adult when she was still alive but instead I was met with "suck it...

  The Before and After of Cancer One of the hardest parts of having cancer and going through all the trauma I have gone through in the past few decades is looking in the mirror at someone you just don't recognize anymore. It's different than finding a new wrinkle or grey hair. It's like looking at a complete stranger sometimes. One of my hobbies most of my life was makeup and hair. My mom would make fun of me because she said I couldn't even go to the gas station without being in full makeup and my hair done. I was confident and felt good about how I looked. Now I can't remember the last time I felt beautiful. I went from 130 at 5'7 to 180. I'm always afraid to run into someone I haven't seen since getting cancer because I'd be so embarrassed with how much my body has changed for the worse.  I now put on makeup on very rare occasions and don't really know how to properly dress this new body. Then you are forced into menopause at 29 years old and ...

  If your looking for a really good place to donate for metastatic breast cancer research and treatments I highly suggest   Metavivor.org Susan G Komen Also, my friends non profit that helps so much with so many different things, from babysitting for treatment to help on holidays. They are amazing and could always use donations  Chemo Nanny